Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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