I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
