I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
