Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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