the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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