You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bring money and cleavage
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
