it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
