id be glad to
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
