She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
