so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
