She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
