blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
