my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
