My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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