im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
