im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
