Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
