I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
