And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
