I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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