So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
