yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
