I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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