nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
