Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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