Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
