I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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