I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I only lived at night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
