Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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