Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
