Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
