I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
