i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
