I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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