I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
