PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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