I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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