Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
