So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
