You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
