I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
