Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
