oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
