Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I touched a dick in church today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
