I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
