But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
