True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
