DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
