cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
