You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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